Musical Interlude: The Police - So Lonely & Facebook precaution

Here's one to give your self-imposed loneliness a catchy feel to it.
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To ramp up your loneliness quotient, consider modern day communications as a potential mood inducer. In the post-post-Industrial world, most human interaction is now done online via sites like Facebook, Hyves and Twitter (TM). Farming is now enjoyed with electronic coins and push-button animatronics, with a virtual free economy and false ego inflation by meaningless awards mixed in with the most personal of announcements.

In addition to providing 'meaning' the 21st century life, it appears that social media is now possibly helping people get out of desperate situations. Getting depressed and heart- (and head) broken humans to turn their lives around with the aid of others. Thus, if you are on the long-term end of sadness exploration and wish to continue along the tear-strewn path, you may want to avoid expressing anything but a cover story to all friends and colleagues.

A more elite scheme (for both online and offline conversations) would be to avoid really saying anything to anybody & keeping as much bottled up inside. Never reveal your true feelings to anyone; if for some strange reason you've become happy, pretend to be sad. From your root mood of sadness - lie and say you're alright, chose a random mood for when you feel neutral. If simply excluding your regular associates from real communication doesn't work, make yourself see & ruminate on how often and 'well' other people stay in touch.

Whatever you do, don't write on face book that you're in trouble. That just gives do-good busy-bodies like the woman described below more opportunity to feel good about themselves. To ruin one's own sadness attempt and also provide another with happiness is not a recipe for success in the exclusive school of sadness studies.

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Stu Bykofsky: Can Facebook help save lives?
Stu Bykofsky - Philadelphia Daily News
Daily News Columnist
May 13th, 2010

HOW FAR would you go to save someone's life? How hard would you push?

Jennifer Domal did what her Christian faith called upon her to do, even though the person was a stranger, no more than a name on Facebook.

Some people reveal the most intimate details of their lives on Facebook, maybe more than they should, out of loneliness or fear or ego or other urges I can't imagine.
Article Continues

Procrastination: A Tangled Path to Depression

Video Source
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The Wikipedia entry on Procrastination (1) contains the following under psychological causes:

The psychological causes of procrastination vary greatly, but generally surround issues of anxiety, low sense of self-worth, and a self-defeating mentality[4].

As a chronic procrastinator, I can vouch for the truthiness of the wikipedian's description. However, if anxiety, low self worth and defeatism were the sole privilege of procrastinators, depressed people would have a good deal less to be miserable about.

Notice how Wikipedia's procrastination entry has a threshold for significant dysfunction similar to the one listed in the DSM-IV criteria for a depressive episode (2):

Wikipedia: While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. (1)
DSM-IV: The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.(2)

Completing my own hastily drawn depression / procrastination link, wikipedia provides us with one last gem for pondering what sort of demon procrastination is - and how it can be ridden to the dark depths of self-inflicted hell:

Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.(1)

Whatever the cause - procrastination's clear overlap with depressive symptoms provides an intriguing route to follow in the pursuit of sadness. Testing how well any of these techniques 'work' long term on yourself is likely to result in a lifetime of tragically aborted or mis-formed endeavors. Thus, as always, proceed carefully.

It is important to tailor your procrastination tendencies around topics and people that are important to you in your life, in order to get the full effect. Here are two scenarios:

1. Start a scientific blog on sadness with your flat-mate/coworker, wait 2 months to make your first post, base it on Wikipedia. Search for scientific articles when you don't have access, write a note to remind yourself to send the link to your work email so you can download them. Save Blog as draft 50 times before halfway through.

2. Deliberately procrastinate on making contact with a loved-one. This combines anxieties about losing relationships, increased seclusion and even the sense that your sadness may be contagious (no citation). It also helps you avoid making new acquaintances, as you realize the failure of so many relationships past paints a clear image of your future.

Facebook is a great way to get started on this - pick someone you've had a significant relationship with but haven't spoken to in some time. Now imagine how your message might brighten their day, or a birthday note might send a tiny breath of sweetness to their hearts.

Now dash those thoughts, close your browser and meditate on the cold reality that you will likely never reconnect with this person, at least not on a meaningful level. Once you can't stand it and are rushing to look up their number in your non-existent rolodex, suppress the thought and repeat 'I'll call them tomorrow' until the throbbing subsides.

For advanced procrastinators, pick a time to call them when you know you're going to be busy, although we all know what 'busy' really means. Once you master the scientific-looking model below for maximum depression-relevant procrastionation, you'll be well on your way to achieving sadness.

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Here's how you can picture your brain going through these actions:
Original MRI Image Source

If you ever do manage to make a blog post on your hypothetical blog, or reach out and touch that special someone, make sure that the blog post / phone call goes badly enough that you feel like you've failed, but not so horrible that you shouldn't do it again.

Better yet - give yourself big expectations for the next blog post / phone call - tell yourself that you'll make up for it with a new, well-prepared, on-schedule set of correspondence.

Repeat again, make procrastination the only expected outcome for any action - see if it don't make you unhappy.

A depressive diagnosis for anyone

This blog will be about getting you down, because it is better for you this way. This first post, however, will be a short introduction to the many ways you can be sad, so when you read and follow our posts, you will instantly know what level of despair you have reached.

Think you are not depressed or never have been?

Please see the list below and think again. There is a depression type or subtype for every man, woman and child out there, you will never need to feel left out again (although this might help you reach the ultimate goal of severe despair).

If you can't find one you like, let us know now, and for only $9.99 we come up with one, and what the heck, if apply you within the next 30 years, we'll throw in one for free.

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The golden standard of modern psychiatry, the DMS-IV starts us off with 6 depression-relevant diagnostic categories you might find yourself meeting criteria for:

Major Depressive Disorder: Do we need to spell it out for you? You're depressed or down for weeks on end, for years on end.
Major Depressive Episode: As above, but shorter - at least 2 weeks duration.
Manic Episode: A temporary reversal of fortune - you run around feeling energized, grandiose even. Others do not concern you, you don't need sleep and might become irritable. Symptoms must hold for at least 1 week.
Mixed Episodes: Little of this, little of that. Combines Major & Manic episodes.
Hypomanic Episode: Like Manic but shorter. A case of red bull should do it. 4 days minimum.
Dysthymic Disorder: Only sometimes depressed, but over a period of 2 years. Me: "Doctor, I have never always felt great" Dr. Phil: "That's a clear case of Dysthymia, son."

But wait, there is more! Of the following depressive categories, not all are as accepted today, but who are they to tell you how you feel?

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD!): Hamsters have it too! If only it was as prevalent in summer...
Endogenous depression: Occurs from within. No one knew why. Biological. Avoid antidepressants.
Reactive depression: Results of circumstantial stressors. Antidepressants no effect.
Psychotic Depression: Similar to endogenous. Includes hallucinations.
Bereavement: Loss of loved one (spouse, friend, hamster etc.).
Neurotic: See Dysthymia.
Primary Depression: Depressed because of depression (!).
Secondary Depression: Depressed by other reasons (medical, biological, financial).
Postnatal depression: You'll have to become pregnant first, sorry guys
Postpartum Disorder: a.k.a. Baby Blues. Have baby? Depressed? PD! See postnatal depression.
Atypical Depression: Depression that is not typical. Most prevalent type. Patient feels good when something good happens. Sound familiar?
Double Depression: See Dysthymic. Depression x 2.
Situational Depression: same as Reactive but different.
Agitated Depression: Irritability and restlessness.
Melancholic Depression: Anhedonia (loss of pleasure). Inability to find pleasure in positive events (in contrast with which disorder?) Often in combination with agitation, insomnia, and no appetite for Domino's.
Catatonic Depression: Depression for cats with movement impairments.

If all else fails and normality & content is closing in, remember, we are here for you.

Welcome to Science of Sadness.

Stay with us & stay sad,
written by Matthijs - edited by Dan F

Lnk: DSM-IV 1, 2 (subscriptions only)
Lnk: Depressed Hamsters Shed Light On Seasonal Disorder